Why

A Ukrainian military unit raped and killed eight women and murdered at least 14 other civilians in the village of Russkoye Porechnoye, a captured Ukrainian soldier has admitted during interrogation by Russian investigators.

Russkoye Porechnoye, home to around 300 people, fell under Kiev’s control in August last year during a Western-backed incursion into Russia’s Kursk Region. Russian forces liberated the settlement earlier this month, where they discovered decomposing corpses of civilians stashed in basements throughout the village.

On Friday, the Russian Investigative Committee released new evidence on the massacre, including footage of the interrogation of Yevgeny Fabrisenko, a soldier with the 92nd Separate Assault Brigade. Fabrisenko stated that he was deployed to the village on September 28 alongside his immediate commander and two other soldiers.

According to Fabrisenko, their company commander explicitly ordered them to “cleanse” the village of Russian civilians. The unit remained in Russkoye Porechnoye until October 3, during which they raided homes, raped women, and executed men on sight. Those who resisted were tortured and killed, he admitted. (source: RT)

Yeah, that’s a thing. Getting my mind away from this kind of things would be a sufficient reason for getting into photography again, and taking nice calm pictures depicting good states of consciousness. Also, I’m God’s favourite trash can, the equivalent of a sewage collector that processes shit and lets out clean water, and whatever needs to be processed has been increased lately, which is making my life absolutely miserable. I could say this is why I’m getting back into photography, and people would believe me.

But no, those are not the primary reasons; at least, they are not the only ones. The primary reason is that I felt, multiple times, that this nightmare will soon be over, and I got glimpses of what awaits beyond. I’m trying really hard not to think about that, because I’ll go insane, simply because it’s not already here. I’d rather think whether this picture would look better if taken with a FE 50mm f/1.4 GM.

Yeah, it’s not working. I’m getting concurrent streams from the global astral field – genocidal rage against this or that group, chaos that looks like astral substance that’s been crushed in a blender, things that feel like elixir of lobotomy that makes my brain numb as if injected with novocaine, terribly stupid ideas on how to make this world go on, and occasional flashes of the other side, as if someone is showing me the future. I really, really wish I could make it all go away by thinking about cameras and lenses, but it’s an illusion that actually makes things worse, so I’m trying to not get too carried away. But in any case, there are worse things in the world than poor little pink flowers getting shot. 🙂

There are, however, better things beyond the horizon than I dare to even think, or remember what I’ve been shown. Yeah, I just did. I must be a masochist. 🙂

Favourites

I was wondering – do I have favourite cameras and lenses? Is there a particular reason why I’m using the equipment I’m using? Why am I using 35mm and not four thirds or medium format?

Certainly, equipment I used to take my favourite images would be expected to score more highly, but surprisingly it doesn’t. It’s quite weird now that I think about it, but I don’t get sentimentally attached to gear. So, the question of sentimental attachment is very easily answered; I like using stuff that produces the results I like, and does it effortlessly, but I will replace cameras and lenses without much thought if something better comes along.

As for the format, I guess I ended up using the format that required the least justifications to keep using, because it just had all the lenses I wanted, I could produce the kind of pictures that I wanted to produce, it was not too expensive to get all the gear I wanted, and the stuff was not too heavy. Basically, when 35mm digital cameras became affordable, that solved my problem. Sure, I did think about going with 4/3, but it always turned out that the lenses that would work for me would be too heavy and expensive in order to compensate for the small sensor, dark tonality doesn’t work as well as it does at 35mm and that’s one of my favourites, it’s more difficult to control the depth of field, and so on. Too many things to fuss over, and no need since 35mm solves all those problems. I thought about the medium format as well, but here the system gets too heavy very quickly, and the lens choices are far too limited. Also, it tends to be very expensive, and the benefits are very small; mostly resolution and dynamic range, which are plentiful already at the 35mm, so I didn’t see it as an upgrade, but rather a system for somebody else. I wanted something that can be used to photograph a bug or a flower one moment, and transition to a portrait or a landscape shot instantly, something that could do the stuff that I want to do, rather than me having to adjust to the limitations of the gear. Also, I dislike super expensive stuff, at least unless there’s no other way to get the results I want. I would always take a smaller, lighter lens/camera that is 5% less capable than the multiple times heavier, bigger and more expensive monstrosity. That doesn’t mean I’m willing to make great sacrifices in image quality; it’s just that image quality can be easily obtained using non-extreme means. This meant that Hasselblad and Phase One were out of the question, but I also gave up on the 4/3 as well, since it tended to require extreme lenses in order to compensate for the sensor size, and my calculations showed that the system as a whole was in fact anything but small and light, when I consider the exact equipment choices I would have to make. 35mm felt “right”, I could do everything I wanted, so I stopped fussing about gear for quite a long time, but Canon 35mm was still bigger than a 35mm system had to be, which I knew from my experience with Minolta film gear. When Sony started making small and light 35mm cameras with image stabilisation, that solved multiple issues for me. Sure, they do make some huge monstrosity lenses, but fortunately I don’t have to buy them, because there are lighter, smaller and less expensive alternatives that sacrifice some of the ultimate image quality for portability and affordability. I’m into photography because I like producing photographic art, not because I want to enrol into a competition of who can spend more money on gear. Thanks, but I prefer having money. 🙂 Something really needs to entice me with the offer of photographic abilities that I don’t currently possess, for instance I can no longer make this:

I took it with a huge, very expensive telephoto of stellar image quality that I had for review, and I currently don’t have anything resembling a properly long telephoto; the longest one I have is a 90mm macro. I have been taking almost exclusively normal and wide-angle shots for years. I can’t even take this anymore:

It was taken with a borrowed Nikon APS camera with a 70-300mm telephoto, which means I would need a 100-400mm on 35mm in order to replicate this capability. The problem with such a telephoto is that it is very expensive, and very heavy to carry around during my regular walks, but I keep seeing shots that would be perfect for such a lens, if I had it. In any case, the big telephoto is always on the bottom of every list of necessary hardware acquisitions, simply because it combines heavy, expensive and rarely used, which is my least favourite combination. It does, however, also combine the ability to take an interesting detail out of otherwise uninteresting scenery, with the ability to cut depth of field at a distance, which are among my favourite combinations. We’ll see. 🙂

I do, however, have the ability to do the same thing in the world of tiny things:

Yeah, I’m trying to convince myself I don’t need it too hard, which means I’ll probably just buy it. 🙂

Differences

Recently Biljana and I went out in the evening to get some practice with our new equipment, and for the most part all the pictures we’ve taken were shit, until it was so late in the evening that the light started fading fast, to the point where we barely saw where we’re going anymore. At that point, the smoke in the air, sunset and the blue hour combined, and since Biljana’s Canon could pull off ISO 12800, and my Sony could pull off ISO 6400, not to mention IS, we could hand-hold stuff that would usually require a tripod, but I’m sure I couldn’t take those pictures with a tripod, because they were too interactive and happened in the moment; basically, she used her 105mm Sigma macro lens as a short telephoto to pick out details from afar, while I used the 16-35mm wideangle to get the wider context. Essentially, she took pictures and I took pictures of her taking the pictures, including what she was shooting, but in context.

This is her picture of the town fort/church, where people used to take refuge when attack was signalled from the watch tower with the view of the point at sea from which threats loomed.

This is my picture with the wide angle, of her in the foreground and the fort in the background.

This is Biljana’s second shot, toward the town centre, with the boat in the foreground and the bridge in the top left, balancing the diagonal. The color palette she chose very much resembles the Fuji Astia/Sensia low saturation slide film, similarly contrasty but with much more shadow detail, because slide film is just dead there. It also somewhat resembles Kodak Portra low-contrast negative film, but exposed on the low side. The low contrast accentuates the serenity of the scene, the calm before the night.

This is my version – Biljana in the foreground, checking the photo she had just taken on the screen, with the scene in the background. I chose a different color palette – where she went for the subtlety of low-contrast and low-saturation, I did the opposite, cutting into the dark tones and making them bleed ink.

I don’t know whether there are any conclusions to be taken from this exercise, but I thought it’s interesting how differently we captured the same scene; she went for the telephoto while I went for the wideangle, and despite the fact that those two cameras can render color and detail almost identically, we went for completely different palettes and looks in the end.

Excuses

There’s also a question of when can one justify something with the Devil or the world, excusing oneself of culpability or lack of performance.

Intuitively, the answer would lie somewhere in the open interval between “never” and “always”.

What does that mean? It means that I think neither of the extremes is acceptable as an answer, but something between them might be, but I’m not sure it’s universally the same answer. I perceived quite a bit of variability in personal karma in regard to this issue, meaning that not all souls encounter the same type or quantity of resistance here.

Also, I would cite empirical evidence of the transcendental realms. If the answer were “always”, there would be no problem posed by this world, and the hell would be empty, so to say. Every single sinner would be excused of all personal culpability by the very fact that the totality of their sin were caused by this world and, consequently, Satan who designed its parameters.

There is, however, some merit to the argument, which Romana once used effectively against Satan, making him shut up – “The entirety of all sin is yours”. Also, Krishna in the Bhagavad-gita states that atman doesn’t act or cause action; it is the gunas of nature that act. However, Buddhism makes a counter-argument that soul is in essence an aggregation of karmic substance, not the atman of Vedanta.

This is exactly my experience, but with the addition that the nature of this karmic substance does not warrant the kind of materialism that is oft encountered among the so-called buddhists, because it seems to have an originally transcendental nature, on the “atomic” level. Apparently, the transcendental atman is reflected in every single kalapa of karmic matter, and they aggregate according to the laws of karma to form larger structures, “bigger souls” so to speak.

The fact that the kalapas aggregate into larger souls, and that larger souls can break apart due to sin and the internal incoherence between kalapas which causes them to de-aggregate, means that sin is a karmic fact that exists beyond any association with either Satan or this world. This proves that “never” and “always” can not be acceptable answers to our question, eliminating them from the interval. If virtue and sin are karmic facts upon which souls are built and destroyed, it puts it squarely outside the dimensions of this world.

What this world does is a serious problem, as it creates a persistent illusion that creates an environment that makes wrong actions highly tempting, and their dire consequences unknown and suppressed until it is too late. Basically, it inhibits your memory, it inhibits the sense of God’s presence, it paints a falsely attractive picture on dangerous items, and so on. Basically, it’s like showering a school with explosive devices masked like candy. Technically, it will be the children’s fault if they touch them, but you obviously don’t do such a thing out of good intent, and you obviously can’t expect innocents not to get hurt by such action. One can easily conceive a series of abstractions that would allow Satan to evade responsibility and the victims of his actions to be innocent of sin, which would explain why it was so hard to pin anything on him, as it would depend on intent and foreknowledge, which would be very hard to prove. It also explains why most “sins” are committed innocently. People frequently act out of total ignorance, or in fact a misapprehension that inverts moral value of an act; as the Bible would say, one kills God’s prophets thinking he’s serving God by doing so. One would say that this argues heavily towards the claim that the ultimate responsibility lies with Satan and that the souls involved in such acts can be excused, but this is not exactly how it works. The explanation would be quite involved and extensive, but not knowing what exactly you are doing is often a matter of belief that is up to you. Essentially, in order to be a member of the mob that’s cheering for Christ’s execution you need to believe that he’s not who he claims to be, and that belief is squarely up to you. You need to know what he claims to be, so you can’t be excused by total ignorance, and you need to believe that he is wrong, with the strength of conviction that makes you abandon all caution that would be due in such cases. Sure, you don’t have direct insight into transcendental realities, nor you have direct insight into the ultimate consequences of what’s going on. However, your ignorance works as an excuse only to a small point, because a person with a strong transcendentally based conscience would feel grave wrongness of the situation, that would cause him to be seriously alarmed. If you’re not alarmed, and in fact spit at Jesus with all the glee of the raging mob, it trips multiple red flags against you. Sure, you may be excused of the ultimate culpability, since you are unaware and under a misapprehension, but you clearly didn’t mind passing hasty judgment without sufficient evidence, nor did your obvious ignorance of the facts prevent you from acting terribly against someone who did you no wrong, and whose innocence had to be a possibility in your mind, which you nevertheless ignored, because you liked being part of the mob, joined in purpose that gave you pleasure. There’s a whole palimpsest of complexity there, and although your actions don’t make you ultimately damned, they cannot be whitewashed either, and what remains is some degree of sin that will remain as your problem in the long run, the way St. Paul had a problem with stoning of St. Stephen, in which he indirectly participated by guarding the robes of those who stoned him, and although he himself cast no stones, the fact that he approved of the act itself and that he would have cast the stones gladly were it someone else’s lot to guard the robes, troubled him greatly in his later life. Also, the excuse that such people will give, “I couldn’t have known”, is obviously false, as Christ’s disciples obviously could and did know. You just decided to believe otherwise, and you decided that those who believed that Jesus is God are either fools or servants of a false prophet. There were obviously arguments to believe differently, but you chose against them, and against the evidence of his followers, dismissing them all in entirety. You could have known, but chose not to. There’s only a certain point to which you can excuse your choices and actions with Satan and the nature of this world, which obscures the facts and presents a false image, because Christ’s apostles had the same Satan and the world against them, and yet they chose differently, only to be called fools and sinners by you and your ilk.

Sure, invoking the fact that Satan and maya caused you to be deceived regarding the true nature of events can excuse you to some extent, but this excuse is very much like invoking an insanity defence in a trial. You may evade imprisonment, but you will be marked as a mentally insane and potentially dangerous person that will still be institutionalised in some way. Invoking “the Satan defence” is to say “I’m a small, stupid soul that lacked both greatness, wisdom and insight necessary to understand the situation properly, as those better, wiser and holier than myself managed to do”. If might make you escape the gallows, but it’s certainly earning you no medals either. The ones, however, who were under the same illusion of Satan as you, but managed to see through it enough to make wiser choices, they get to advance to higher spiritual stature, while you will at best stagnate, and most likely be degraded.

Imagine, however, what happens to those who were under the same veil of ignorance, but became Christ’s apostles. If those casting stones and spitting at him can be excused to some degree, it is reasonable to expect that the reward of those who managed to act correctly will be magnified, because they passed the trial of illusion. They proved that they would choose God even in disguise, and even with the entire world against Him, and their choice is therefore as rewarding as it was hard. Interestingly, they won’t have to invoke the “Satan defence” – did Satan make them choose Jesus as the Lord? After all, they were in the same illusory world, under the same veil of misapprehension, with the same inhibitions placed upon both memory and insight. If this fact increases their merit, as it does, it means two things. First is that the problem exists and is real; it does in fact pose a serious spiritual challenge. The second is that this problem is not insurmountable and can serve as an excuse only to a point. If a convict on the adjacent cross could recognise Jesus and choose for him, it’s obviously not something that was hard beyond the realm of human possibility, and was instead a legitimate test of spiritual character. Obviously, those who failed it and those who passed it will not have the same outcomes in the realm beyond, as if they were actors playing a role. The world will go away, but the consequences of your choices will persist.

Asceticism

It seems that the issue of asceticism periodically comes up whenever the issues of God and the world are discussed; this time in the comment section:

Perhaps the key to success in practice is absolute dedication of the soul and the willingness to endure everything on the path? Is some kind of ascetic life necessary for that?

I thought about it and I think it’s not a simple matter, in a sense that asceticism isn’t a singular thing, or the same thing to everyone. So, this is going to get somewhat involved.

Asceticism can be a very useful tool – putting limitations on spending money, on obtaining or replacing things, on thinking that things will solve your problems, on projecting into things and social status and so on. So, this kind of asceticism means that you don’t replace your car until it becomes unsafe and expensive to keep running due to malfunctions and servicing costs. It means you live well beneath your means, not trying to increase your apparent social status by increasing expenses to match or exceed your income. Basically, it means controlling the animal – keep it fed, but don’t allow it to get fat.

Then there’s the religious idea that you need to renounce things of the world in order to make room in your life for God. Especially, one should renounce the pleasurable things, as if everything is a God-vs-thing contention, and to not renounce a thing x supposedly means that you favour it over God. Honestly, I think this is a spiritual fallacy that can only lead one to start resenting God, and I can see nothing good in the entire concept. It doesn’t work like that at all, because one could say, with equal or better justification, that God is the origin and foundation of all things, and especially the good things are those through which we can sense God’s nature and presence more, and so the good things in our life can be seen as the medium of our personal idiosyncratic communion with God. To renounce those can be seen not as making place for God or choosing God over a thing, but as rejecting God in that one form in which He is revealed to us, however slightly and partially.

No, I think the entire concept needs to be revised. I think the central question is whether you want God to be a part of your world, or do you want to be a part of God’s world? Is God your Lord, or do you wish Him as a powerful servant to fulfil your wishes? Do you want to be a tool in God’s garden, or do you want God to be a tool in yours? That’s what the crux of the matter seems to be. People who reject God usually do it by wishing to accept God, but at their own terms, to be a part of their world, to make things better for them, to make them greater – basically, who wouldn’t want an all-powerful servant who caters to your every need? But to accept God in such a manner is to reject Him. There’s a good Star Wars analogy to this; the Sith see the Force as a tool, as a beast of burden that obeys their commands and realises their wishes. That’s called the Dark Side, and I would say the darkness is in the approach and the attitude, not the Force.

The other approach is to understand that, in order to be able to grow, you need to stop seeing yourself as the frame of reference, and accept that God is the frame of reference. Basically, God defines the coordinate system in which you are currently placed, and in which you wish to be better, according to the terms set by God. You’re not the one defining the coordinate system of rules, values and principles according to which God should act in order to be accepted by you as good and useful. You need to listen, observe, learn, outgrow your limitations and stupid ideas, and here’s where we arrive at my personal definition of asceticism: it is to renounce every wrong and limiting idea that stands between you and God. Yes, that’s somewhat abstract and hard, much harder than renouncing coffee. It is, however, far more beneficial. How about, renounce the idea that being in the presence of God depends on your personal awareness thereof? Basically, what if you are constantly in the presence of God even if you don’t know it? Would you act differently? Would your cares and priorities be affected?

Also, if you accept yourself as someone who is in service of God, or in a frame of reference that is defined by God, and your spiritual attitude, choices, thoughts, flows of energy into action, are all in God’s frame of reference, meaning they are more or less aligned with God’s nature and intent, renunciation and asceticism is to renounce resistance to God in your consciousness and actions. Asceticism is to be the presence of God in the world, ultimately, because that means that any kind of “you” that wished to make God into a tool or a servant in your personal playground is long gone.